How Many Roads
by RavenMyst
Summary: With Sirius gone, Remus is heartbroken and lonely. Yet through an interesting twist of fate, he discoveres a doorway to the impossible. But he's not the only one...Slashy but not graphic currently. Not sure exactly where it'll go. Please read and comment.
1. Default Chapter

The stack of papers was nearly as tall as Professor Flitwick. At this rate, he'd never finish. Remus Lupin sighed and pushed his chair away from the musty desk. He'd missed teaching in the two years that he'd been absent from Hogwarts. He missed the classes, the students.but the one thing he certainly did not miss was the grading. He had forgotten how quickly papers piled up when not constantly attended to. His fingers twitched involuntarily on his wand; a vanishing charm would not go amiss right about now.  
  
But no. That would not be an appropriate course of action. He was exceedingly lucky to have been invited back to school, especially with his liability as a werewolf. Albus Dumbledore knew all of what had transpired the last time he had been a teacher at Hogwarts, and still he chose to offer Remus the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher once more. The least Remus could do to repay Albus's generosity was deal with some pesky essays about the origin of the hippogriff.  
  
Remus mentally resigned himself to the task. After all, hippogriffs were fascinating creatures. Many times he had admired Buckbeak when he and.  
  
Remus' muscles clenched involuntarily. Shivering from head to toe, he looked like he had just been the victim of the full body bind.  
  
Don't think about it.  
  
The paralysis lasted only for a moment. Slowly, he forced his body to relax. Remus took a deep breath, and stood up, in perfect control.  
  
I think I'll leave these essays until tomorrow, he thought to himself. They'll keep, and the students won't mind much. Except for Hermione, of course.  
  
Grinning at the thought of Hermione's horrified reaction when she didn't receive her paper the day after she turned it in, Remus left his office and headed towards the Great Hall. He wasn't hungry, but some food would do him good. Everyone always said he looked too thin.  
  
Students passed him in the hallway, murmuring greetings before returning to their private thoughts. Remus looked at the faces, analyzing them, trying to see if any of them contained the tell-tale traces of fear and loathing that followed him everywhere. On some, there was only open respect. On others though, it was there: surfacing quickly and then dropping down, back to the depths of inscrutability.  
  
Remus sighed inwardly; he couldn't blame them. He was a dangerous friend to have. The last time an accident happened, it had nearly cost Harry his life. Remus had vowed then that he would never endanger another innocent, but what did it matter to the students? They didn't know of his inner torment, and they didn't trust him.  
  
"Hello.Remus."  
  
Remus' inner reverie was shattered. He knew who it was long before he looked up. There was only one person in the school who could infuse so much cold hatred into a simple greeting.  
  
"Hello Severus. How are you this evening?"  
  
"Quite well, thank you, Remus. I just thought you might be interested to know that I made a cauldron full of the potion for your.condition. After all, we wouldn't want to have any more.accidents." Snape inhaled deeply, as if smelling some delightfully pleasant odor.  
  
By managing to control his reflexes before his fist hit Snape's greasy face, Remus was able to answer politely. "That was quite thoughtful of you, Severus, but I won't be needing the potion for another three days at least. Still, I appreciate the effort you must have spent in its making."  
  
Snape smiled, the cold shallow smile of a spider that has discovered his prey is entering the web. "Not at all. After all, I take the safety of this school and those who dwell within very seriously," he took out a gold pocket watch, and consulted it. "I must run to an appointment, Remus, I will see you later." He turned the corridor and promptly disappeared.  
  
Remus stood still for a moment, coldly gazing down the hallway that Snape had just exited. He hates me all the more for retaking the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. And if he could find some way to discredit me in front of Dumbledore, it would be Christmas come early.  
  
Suddenly, I don't feel very hungry.  
  
Changing his mind quickly, Remus retraced his steps and started heading upstairs, towards the library. Books are wonderful for forgetting troubles. And I wonder if that new novel by Demetria Diamondeye is in yet.  
  
Still, he couldn't quite dismiss Snape's veiled attack against him. Severus's dislike seemed even more potent than usual.  
  
Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. His reputation wouldn't last a serious brawl with Snape. It had barely survived that last time they had clashed, over Peter and -  
  
There was the pain, again. Except that this time it was worse, how could it be worse? Doubled over as if he had been hit by an invisible fist, Remus leaned against the nearest wall, seeking support. His thoughts were running in little redundant circles; it look an extreme amount of will to force himself straight up. Sweating and breathing heavily, he felt like he had just run a muggle marathon.  
  
Thinking about it doesn't help. Don't think about it. Never think about it.  
  
Remus felt week in the knees. He was starting to lose control. He closed his eyes and blanked his mind. Then he focused on simple things: adding numbers, components of simple spells. Before too long he was restored to normal.  
  
Still.all the tension was starting to take its toll on his body.  
  
Forget it, he thought. It's still early, but there's nothing I can do tonight. I feel like there's a giantess bashing around in my head. Maybe sleep will make things better.  
  
So, for the third time, he changed course, now heading for his quarters.  
  
Up one flight of stairs, two right turns followed by a left, then duck into the secret entrance behind Geon the Gory and.  
  
"Professor Lupin? Can I er- have a minute?"  
  
Remus turned around, cringing inwardly as his mind imagined the possibilities of who it might be. But no, it was only Harry, his hair looking as disheveled as usual. Just like James.  
  
For a moment, Remus was surprised that he didn't recognize Harry's voice. However he soon dismissed it.  
  
I must be more tired than I thought.  
  
"Yes Harry? What is it?"  
  
"Well, Professor.there's something I want to ask about, but I'm not sure who I should go to, now that." He trailed off.  
  
Remus picked up the conversation thread quickly. Too quickly. But he was desperate to veer the topic off to some subject that was safer.  
  
At this point a conversation about Voldemort himself would be safer, he thought darkly.  
  
Derail this, quickly, Remus! You know where it will lead.  
  
"Yes, yes of course, Harry. You know that I am here for you, but in all honesty, now is not the best time for me. If we could do this tomorrow, perha-"  
  
"No!" The vehemence of the exclamation startled both of them. "No, Professor.I need to talk now."  
  
Remus felt himself go cold with dread. There was nothing he could do.  
  
"I want to talk with you about death."  
  
Be wary, Mooney. This conversation has nasty implications. It can go in many directions.  
  
"Alright. What in particular?"  
  
"How do...how do you know that someone is really dead?"  
  
A pause. Some mental panic and caution. Then an answer, clear and composed:  
  
"That's a difficult question, Harry."  
  
Brilliant, Einstein. Best answer in the entire fucking universe.  
  
"Please, Professor. I have to know."  
  
Remus sighed inwardly. Might as well get good and tight in the coffin.  
  
"Well, there are some devices that will do the job. Deathscopes, for one, though it's hard to find a reliably working one. And aura sensors, though they lose their potency when focused on muggles. I'm assuming that this is not about a muggle?"  
  
Harry nodded. Remus went on.  
  
"More mystically speaking, certain wizards have the ability to sense the life force of an individual, and then get a fix on their location. I'm told the returning resonances are very strange if that person is already deceased. Though I don't know if anyone has ever tried to contact a ghost, since they are in-between realms, so to speak. Still, it is a way."  
  
Silence on Harry's part. So far so good. Remus was just beginning to think that he'd gotten away with it, when Harry asked a question.  
  
"But...what about if...what if someone's soul has been detached from their body. And they're not dead! But they're not a ghost either. Isn't that possible?  
  
Disaster.  
  
"Harry, I don't know. But I don't think so."  
  
"Well how do you know? Have there ever been any tests?"  
  
"Not to my knowledge."  
  
"Then it could be true! There's no proof otherwise!"  
  
"Harry...trust me on this one. The answer is no."  
  
"You don't know that, Professor! It could be true! For all we know - "  
  
Remus gritted his teeth in defense against the wave that was rising within him. "I know what you're hoping for and it isn't possible."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I -"  
  
"I think you're wrong! You just don't want to admit the possibility that Sirius could still be alive!"  
  
Pain lanced through Remus. He threw up barriers against it, in hopes that he could hold together long enough to get the hell out.  
  
So fierce was his internal struggle that all he could manage was a hoarse whisper.  
  
"Harry.no."  
  
If Harry noticed the difference, he gave no sign.  
  
"Professor! Tell me why. Tell me why it's not possible that Siri-"  
  
"HARRY!" Rage and grief and hundreds of other emotions broke through then, taking both of them by complete shock. "LISTEN TO ME! I TELL YOU IT IS NOT POSSIBLE!"  
  
Harry stood still, looking at Remus in bewilderment. Remus deadened his heart as best he could; it wouldn't last, but maybe he could hold it in a little longer.  
  
"Harry...I would be...even happier than you if somehow it were true. But it is not, and I have exhausted mind, body, and talent in my search. Take what comfort you can from my words, but I tell you it is impossible...he.he is gone."  
  
Harry looked at him with a mix of sadness and defeat. He nodded, uttered a small "thank you, Professor," and left.  
  
Remus was alone.  
  
There was no time for masks, or facades. He flew to his quarters, uttering the password mentally so he did not have to speak. He magically locked the door, as well as securing the several muggle-style locks on the wood door. Only that did Remus lean against the door, sliding down it abruptly, like his legs would no longer support him. He suspected that if he tried, they wouldn't.  
  
I can't do it, I can't do it. I can't not think about it. I can't hold it inside myself. I. just. CAN'T.  
  
He screamed the last word silently inside his head. Not that it made any difference. Or helped in the least bit.  
  
I thought I could survive, but I can't. I hurts too much. I need you. Oh Gods, what am I going to do?! How can I live like this?  
  
Alone, crying, and broken in the dark, Remus took down his last barrier, and uttered the name that he had forbidden even his deepest self from calling.  
  
Sirius. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Remember, class, the most important rule of defense is to remain in control of yourself regardless of the circumstances. A calm, relaxed mind has a much better chance of emerging unscathed from a dangerous situation than one plagued by confusion and fear."  
  
Most of the students nodded solemnly at Remus, though a few were looking doubtful. He understood their concerns; these children had only been at school for a few months, after all. How could they remain calm when all of the horrors that they were just beginning to learn about could come for them at any moment?  
  
"A person who does not panic is better prepared to deal with an enemy than someone who is tense but has the available counter-curse on hand. There may come a time where being calm and collected will save your life. It has happened to me more than once."  
  
The bell rang. Everyone started to shove books into their bags.  
  
"Homework time. Compose an essay on -"  
  
The students groaned. Remus smiled in understanding.  
  
"Alright. No essay this time. But you will make up for it next week's work. Is that a fair exchange?"  
  
Cheers from the class. Remus grinned. He remembered the life of a student. After all, why do work now when you can put it off till the last minute?  
  
"Have a good weekend, class."  
  
They filed out, not in a hurry, but with the energy of students who know that the weekend has come at last. Remus watched them go; they were a good class, for first-years. He had confidence that with training they would be able to defend themselves well.  
  
The last student left. The door closed.  
  
Remus' smile faded. He walked over to the chalkboard and banished the text on it with a wave of his wand. This had not been a demonstration class; there was nothing else to clean up. He sat down on the edge of his desk next to his roll book and looked at the floor.  
  
Remus considered. It had been a week since his emotional collapse. It had taken him hours to recover once he had let his floodgates down, so to speak. Weak and trembling, he had crawled into bed, wishing only for some time in which he didn't have to be awake and feeling. His wish had been granted; he spent nearly an entire day in dreamless sleep, and awoke feeling paradoxically better and worse at the same time.  
  
Sirius.  
  
He could say the name now, if only to himself. It didn't send him into spasms of uncontrollable tears. But, if anything, he felt worse. Every time he thought about Sirius' death, he grew a little colder, like he was being plunged into a vat of freezing water.  
  
No, thought Remus darkly. It feels as if my heart is dying, piece by piece.  
  
Such thoughts were counterproductive, but he couldn't help it. He missed Sirius deeply; he hadn't realized how much he truly needed him until he was gone.  
  
He felt the familiar pain of separation gnaw at him. But this time, instead of throwing up a barrier and ignoring the feelings, Remus accepted it, embraced it. Really, it was all he had left of Sirius.  
  
Remus sighed. After all, he thought, this is how I'm going to feel for the rest of my life. I better get used to it.  
  
Seeking for a temporary diversion, Remus' eyes wandered. They settled on the window on the far wall. Outside it still felt like summer, and the light reflected it, shining almost playfully.  
  
He walked to the window and looked outside. Below him, he could see students laying on the grass, soaking up warmth from the sun. Still others were running around, playing some sort of game. They all looked happy and at peace with the world.  
  
Remus watched sadly. Life went on.  
  
So would his, of course. He wasn't the suicidal type; he had too much strength for that. But still.without Sirius, the future was bleak and unknown.  
  
"Am I disturbing you, Remus?"  
  
Remus turned around. Standing in the doorway was Albus Dumbledore. As always, Remus was impressed with the sense of calm that Albus radiated. He was a man of power and responsibility; you could see it in his eyes, even when he laughed.  
  
Right now though, his eyes were solemn; there was very little humor in his gaze as he looked at Remus.  
  
Remus smiled slightly. "Not at all, Albus. What can I do for you?"  
  
"Perhaps, Remus, a better question is what can I do for you?" Dumbledore entered the room and crossed to where Remus was standing. He was an old man, but there was no sense of frailty when he moved. Only age.and great wisdom.  
  
"Help me how, Albus?" Remus knew where this was going. It was not a big surprise; there was hardly anything in Hogwarts that Albus Dumbledore didn't find out about, eventually. But Remus did not know how this conversation would resolve. So he played dumb and waited.  
  
Dumbledore looked at him seriously. "I am concerned about how you are faring emotionally, Remus. The last couple of months have been.traumatic on everyone involved. But you seem to be keeping your feelings locked up. I can only assume that it has to do with Sirius' death."  
  
Remus sighed. Albus' analysis was dead-on, but there was nothing he could to change it. His grief from loosing Sirius was his own problem, and he did not want to burden others with its weight.  
  
He thought for a moment, and formed a neutral response.  
  
"Yes.that's true. Sirius and I were friends, and I miss him greatly. But there's very little that I can do about the situation, so I'm dealing with it as best I can."  
  
He didn't know how much Albus knew about his relationship with Sirius, so he didn't bring it up. If Albus noticed the slight pause before the word 'friends,' he gave no sign.  
  
Albus regarded him with a piercing gaze. It gave Remus the impression that Albus knew absolutely everything about him, but was merely pretending in order to be polite. It was a frightening thought.  
  
"Remus.you know as well as I that nothing good comes from denying emotions. It only hurts the person and those around him. Very little is resolved."  
  
"I know, Albus."  
  
"As long as you cherish the memories of someone that you care for, they will not die. Sirius lives inside you, in your memories of him."  
  
Remus didn't answer. There was nothing to say. While he knew that this was factual on the intellectual level, deeper down the words felt hollow and untrue. He appreciated Albus' intentions in speaking to him, but there was nothing that could be done to help. He was on this own.  
  
Some of his reticence must have been apparent to Dumbledore, for there was a long pause. Then, moving one step closer, Dumbledore put his hand on Remus' shoulder. Surprised, Remus looked up into the old wizard's eyes, which were deep with sympathy and understanding.  
  
"If there is anything I can do to help you Remus, you have only to ask. Please remember that."  
  
Remus nodded. Again, he had nothing to say. Albus looked him piercingly one last time, and then left the room.  
  
It is likely that Albus knows, Remus thought. About.Sirius and myself. But it doesn't matter. It would only mean something if Sirius were still alive. But he's not. It doesn't matter.  
  
Remus groaned aloud. His thoughts were running through well-worn tracks of misery and pain. When he was by himself, it seemed like all he did was mourn.  
  
This was going nowhere. Perhaps he needed a change of scenery.  
  
Remus left the classroom and walked to the nearest staircase. Before long, he has passed by the Great Doors (?) into the bright sunlight. It felt good on his skin. He closed his eyes, and tried to force the sun's warmth inside him, willing it to warm his heart. It didn't work.  
  
Not that he expected it to.  
  
Remus opened his eyes and looked around. It truly was a beautiful day. If only he could enjoy it like he used to.  
  
A flash of black at the edge of his vision caught his attention. A group of students were walking up the path to the castle. On closer inspection, it appeared to be Harry, Ron, Hermione, and a group of about 5 other Gryffindors. Harry, Ron, and Hermione waved at Remus, and he returned the gesture, changing direction so that he would intersect them.  
  
As he neared the group he began to hear snippets of their conversation.  
  
"Oh, come'on Dean, you can't believe something in that book!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It's a fraud! Anyone who even glances at that book could tell it's made up. You've been had!"  
  
"Aw, you don't know that!"  
  
"Yes he-"  
  
"What's all this?" Remus asked, cleanly slipping into the conversation. A discussion was a welcome change from his morose thoughts.  
  
Dean shrugged, tightening his grip on the book he held between his hands. Silence all around for a moment, and then Hermione offered an explanation.  
  
"When Dean went home on holiday, he found a book in a Muggle shop. It's supposed to contain tales of amazing magical spells and artifacts, but most of the tales seem, well.far-fetched. But Dea-" she stopped as Dean shot her a glare. "Well, we were just debating whether or not any of the stories in the book were feasible."  
  
"I see." This was interesting. And if would give Remus something else to focus on. "May I see the book?"  
  
Dean handed it to him. Remus studied the cover. It was a fairly new book, hard covered, with a most unflattering image of the stereotypical witch on the front. The title of the book was written in large gold letters: "Magic Secrets Revealed!"  
  
From the cover alone, Remus would have assumed that the book was worthless. But it is never good, to judge a book from its cover (Remus groaned silently at the bad joke), so he opened the volume and scanned its pages.  
  
His gaze fell on a section entitled "Human Adaptations and Transformations." It listed all sorts of interesting abilities, including a few he had never heard of. Who in their right mind would want to replace their mouth with chicken lips?  
  
Remus picked an individual entry and studied it. To turn household items to gold - take one pinch of saffron and dust it over the item. Combine with the blood of a freshly blooded muskrat that has given birth within the last two months. Draw a circle with the blood around the item. Then light a candle and set it inside the circle. Presto! Instant gold. This spell may not work on house-hold pets.  
  
Utter nonsense. Muggles knew absolutely nothing about magic. He handed the book back to Dean. "I'm afraid I have to agree, Dean. There is very little in this book that could be considered real magic. This book is worthless except for its entertainment value."  
  
Dean shrugged. It was obvious that he'd make his own decision about the book. Ah well, let him enjoy it. The stories were bound to be interesting.and would make for very interesting results if he tried them on himself.  
  
The other Gryffindors were still kidding Dean as they started moving towards the school again. Not having anywhere else to go at the moment, Remus joined the group at the end, near Harry.  
  
"We told you, Dean!"  
  
"Great book, but just don't take it seriously, y'know?"  
  
"Look, it even lists here a rock that lets people talk to the dead. What a scam! You can't do that!"  
  
Remus stopped. Or rather, he froze. For a moment, his legs refused to work. The group continued on without him. Only Hermione and Harry noticed that he was not keeping stride, and turned to look. Remus took a deep breath and forced his legs to move. He felt like someone had placed the Jelly-legs curse on him. Still, he forced himself to remain calm.  
  
Or at least, he hoped he looked calm.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say"  
  
Parvati answered this time. "Oh, there's an entry in the book about a mystical orb that allows people to routinely talk to the dead. But that's impossible, everyone knows that. Only seers can do it, and very rarely."  
  
He forced himself to remain calm. The book was worthless, he had already confirmed that. But still, to dismiss it completely.  
  
"May I see the book?"  
  
It was handed to him again. Remus looked at the entry:  
  
The Orb of Amina Legend has it that this mysterious sphere was created by seven ancient Indian shamans centuries ago. According to translations of the surviving runes, the orb allows the user to single out a soul who has passed over, and summon their spirit to the earthly realm in order to converse.  
  
There was more text. But Remus didn't read it. He was keeping a tight reign on his emotions at the moment.  
  
"This does look interesting.Dean, do you mind if I borrow this book, for a day or so? I'd like to read it for fun."  
  
Dean shrugged. "Sure, Professor."  
  
"Thank you." he pocketed the book. Once the group entered the school the Gryffindor contingent headed straight for the Great Hall. Remus did not. He walked quickly to his office and entered, magically locking the door behind him. Breathing heavily, he sat down on his desk He looked at the book, with its ugly illustrations and gimmicky title. His mind was racing.  
  
Could it be possible.? He had not thought so. But then, he has always assumed the same as everyone else, that is was impossible to commune with the dead. What if there had been a technique, though? A very old and primitive one.lost in time for centuries.  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. This was a Muggle book. What did Muggles know about magic? Absolutely nothing was the answer. It had to be false.  
  
And yet.he couldn't dismiss it. Couldn't let go. Something inside told him not to give up on this silly lore volume so easily.  
  
Years ago, Remus had learned to listen to his instincts as a matter of course. And right now, his instincts were screaming at him to learn more information about this strange orb.  
  
With trembling fingers, he opened the book. 


	3. Chapter 3

Remus slowly turned the pages of the book, until he came to the entry about the orb. He didn't bother to reread the sentences that he had glanced at earlier; he simply jumped ahead to the next page of text.  
  
While the sphere appeared to be a valuable magical tool, the original creator discovered a vital flaw in the manufacture of the orb soon after creation. It was revealed that the artifact would only work for one person: the initial activator. To compound matters even further, the link to the spirit realm was much narrower than expected, and far more permanent. Only one spirit could be channeled from the orb, and after the initial conjure, the identity of that spirit could not be changed. In this respect, the project was a total failure.  
  
Based upon the information contained in the few surviving documents from the time, it has been concluded that the invocation to activate the sphere was actually quite simple, if draining. The user had only to focus on the deceased person, saying the full name before beginning. Using concentration as a focus, the caller's life energy would be transferred to the orb. Once enough energy had been stored in the orb, it would begin the task of searching in the spirit realm for the specified identity. As soon as that spirit had been located, the orb would create a pathway back, using the caller's own energy to bridge the gap between planes. The soul follows, and can temporarily reside in the physical realm by using the stored energy in the orb as a resting terminus.  
  
While the procedure requires very little magic power on the side of the user, there are obvious drawbacks. The power to activate the orb comes from inside the caller. Thus, if there is not enough energy to sustain the search, over-draining and even death is likely to occur. Secondly, in order to create the sending, the orb ties itself magically to the activator. At the time of the artifact's creation, there were very few willing to subject themselves to the unknown side-effects of a powerful mystical bond. This, coupled with the massive amounts of mental energy needed to power the orb, made it very dangerous to wield.  
  
The Orb of Amina has been lost for centuries, and there is no known record that even hints at the methods of its creation.  
  
The entry ended there. Remus didn't mind; he had more than enough information to play with for now.  
  
The Orb of Amina. He had never heard of such a thing in all of his magical studies, but that hardly meant that it was untrue. Many things in the wizarding world were hidden from public knowledge, accessible only to those who knew where to look. Could it be the same with this one?  
  
But in a Muggle book! The whole situation was implausible.  
  
Still.the information in the entry seemed well-documented and thorough. Completely different in feel from the ridiculous 'gold-circle' spell. What if there was more here than met the eye?  
  
Remus mentally berated himself. He was acting like a fool. If there was an actual way for normal wizards to communicate with the dead, it would have been long exploited by now. This passage had to be a fraud, just like the rest of the book.  
  
And yet.he didn't put the book away. Remus continued to stare at the page . Because even while he dismissed the orb as utter nonsense, his mind continued to wander, evaluating likelihoods and possibilities.  
  
If one were to assume that the information in the book was true, the details about the orb made sense. It could be possible to use personal energy to search and call for a particular thing or item. Or spirit, in this case.  
  
And.the incredible drain that the link would put on the activator, that could have been a sufficient enough deterrent to those interested in going through the process. It must have been a disappointing realization to the initial creators of the orb, to discover their creation's limitations.  
  
Assuming, of course, that this thing really existed in the first place.  
  
But such pessimistic thoughts were not helpful, and Remus tried to ignore them. If the orb was fake, then nothing would come of this line of reasoning. But if it was real.  
  
Remus stopped. If it was real, then what? Why did he care about this orb? Why was he fixating so strongly on it?  
  
He knew why, of course. It was obvious, after a minute of internal searching. But the conscious realization of why made him stiffen in shock. And perhaps dread.  
  
He wanted to use the orb to talk to Sirius. To call his spirit to this world, to be able to laugh and cry with him once more. There was no other reason why he should care about the possibility of truth in a silly Muggle book about magic.  
  
Groaning, Remus buried his head in his hands. He really was serious about it. If he had the orb in his hands at that very moment, he would have invoked it instantly, regardless of the energy drain on himself.  
  
What disturbed Remus was not that he wanted to use the artifact, but the mentality that his actions implied. He was behaving exactly like an old, grieving widow; looking for any chance to reunite with a loved one.  
  
I have lost all semblance of an individual will, he thought to himself, horrified. The only thing that matters to me is Sirius. But Remus didn't even know if that was true. With the loss of his emotional stability, his thoughts had become confused and chaotic. He used to have a strong sense of self-awareness. But now.  
  
I don't even know myself anymore.  
  
His thoughts were running in well-worn tracks of misery and pain. He tried to exert a bit of self-control, to call his mind to order. At this point, his motives were irrelevant. He had a more pressing concern.  
  
The orb had been destroyed millennia ago. To make matters worse, there had been no detailed records on the steps of its creation. It was a complete mystery, lost in time.  
  
Remus thought like hitting his head against the desk. All this mental worry and doubt.he was getting upset about a non-existent artifact! There was no way he could create the orb, and he knew no one else who could either.  
  
So that's it, then.This is as far as I can go. Even if I had wanted to use the orb, I have no way to acquire it. This plan is a dead end.  
  
He leaned back in his chair, feeling disappointed and unsatisfied. There was nothing else he could do, but Remus didn't like giving up. Especially when it mattered. Frustrated, he rested his head on his hands and closed eyes. Had he really tried everything he could think of? Was there simply no way?  
  
Remus put aside the problem of the orb and let his mind drift. He thought back to his own days at Hogwarts, where he, Sirius, James, and yes, even Peter had been together. They had been wonderful years. Through their pranks and escapades, Remus had felt welcomed by the wizard world for the first time. He had had friends, and they were loyal to him.  
  
They had even done something extremely dangerous, and difficult (though that was just a perk) in order to show their friendship. They had become animagi, so that Remus would not have to be alone when he made his werewolf transformation.  
  
But that was only the beginning. Together, they had created the Marauder's Map. What a challenge that had been! Finding and plotting every hallway and room in Hogwarts, even the ones unknown to the castle's residents had been quite an endeavor. With the map, they had been able to-  
  
Remus sat bolt upright in his chair. Something in his reminiscing had triggered his full attention. But what was it? He couldn't remember, even though he knew it was very important. Remus took a calming breath and retraced his mental footsteps.  
  
He had been thinking about.life at Hogwarts. His life at Hogwarts. With Sirius and James. Their friendship over the years. Nothing gave him the same shock of excitement that had awoken him from musings. But it had to be there. Remus probed deeper.  
  
What else had he been thinking about? Magical transformations...the all- knowing Hogwarts map.Nothing critical.  
  
And then.it hit him. He knew what his subconscious mind had picked up on. And a seconds later, Remus realized its significance.  
  
The Marauder's Map displayed the location of every room and passageway in Hogwarts, even the secret ones. The secret ones had been the hardest to find, but as a matter of consequence they generally were the most interesting. And in Remus' opinion, the most interesting room they had found was -  
  
The Room of Requirement.  
  
A magical room in Hogwarts on the seventh floor that only appeared when the searcher needed it. Finding it was difficult. Once the room appeared, however, it contained everything that was needed. Everything.  
  
I need the Orb of Amina. If I went to the room, and focused on the artifact.is it possible?  
  
Remus had never heard of the room being used to call an object that had already been destroyed. But that was hardly proof. Amazing things could happen, especially at Hogwarts.  
  
He was trembling from head to toe. He had a possibility.he had a plan that could work. If everything went correctly, a huge "If," he could do the impossible. He could talk with Sirius again.  
  
The question was: should he do it?  
  
There would definitely be danger for him. If he didn't have the energy to sustain the link to the orb, we could perish. And he was weak right now: physically and magically. Very high risk.  
  
He knew he should wait for a week or two, even a month. Get stronger, recover energy and vitality, and then see if his wish about the room turned out to be true, and work from there.  
  
But he could not wait. He would have to do it now, or not at all.  
  
There was no reassurance that he would regain strength. If Remus couldn't find some semblance of support for the rebuilding of his life, he could conceivably get worse.  
  
And also...he did not want to wait. He felt a great urgency in this situation. If he didn't go now, he might not have the courage. Better to do it now, and discover if he was a fool.  
  
Remus discovered that he could not move. It was like he was rooted to his chair, tied down by invisible ropes. Or rather.he could move, but he did not want to, and so his mind provided was providing restraints.  
  
He was afraid, he realized. Afraid of what he would find in the Room of Requirement. Afraid of what would happen there. He wanted Sirius, needed Sirius.But he was still afraid.  
  
Lupin, you're a fool, he thought at himself savagely. If you're going to theorize about the orb, at least follow up with it. Otherwise you're nothing but a coward. Get up. Now.  
  
Slowly, he got up. Remus didn't know what would happen when he reached the room, but it was better to find out, as opposed to sitting mindlessly in a desk chair. He might be confused and hurt, but Remus had never let fear dominate his life.  
  
And he wasn't about to start now.  
  
Remus reached the door, and walked through it without a backward glance.  
  
* * *  
  
There was nothing in the corridor. But that was natural, of course. The room didn't appear until you had specified your need.  
  
Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He let it out again.  
  
No more fear. He was ready.  
  
I need the Orb of Amina. I need it to talk to the one I love. I need the orb, and the necessary equipment to make the spell work. Please, grant me what I need.  
  
He started pacing slowly. Remus was concentrating fiercely on a mental image of the orb, and his need of it. That was the most important trick about the room: convince it that you truly need what you ask for.  
  
He crossed the doorway twice. Then three times. Four. He stopped on the fifth, standing where he knew, from previous experiences, where the door would appear.  
  
Remus opened his eyes.  
  
The door was there, directly in front of him.  
  
Without even pausing to think, Remus reached for the doorknob. He turned it, and slipped inside the room.  
  
The room was not well lit, that was the first thing he noticed. On previous occasions there had been more than enough light. This time though, he had to squint to see everything in the room. There were several comfortable chairs in rich purple sequestered to the side of the room. There was also a deep red carpet, that had a large silver circle with several inner circles, each displaying a different set of runes. And in the middle of the circle, in the dead center of the room.  
  
Stood a table with a small glass sphere.  
  
He felt lightheaded. Remus sat down on the nearest armchair, and started taking deep breaths. He closed his eyes. And opened them again.  
  
The orb was there, glistening slightly in the dim light.  
  
He hadn't really believed that the Room of Requirement could show him the orb. He had gone through the motions, but his mind had been in doubt. Only his concentration on the need to be with Sirius had been genuine.  
  
But it appeared that that had been enough.  
  
Remus immediately realized that he could not leave the room until he had tried the spell. For one, there was no guarantee that he would be able to summon the orb a second time. The room could very well decide that once was enough, and ignore his future needs. This was a very subtle, and mysterious room; to the best of his knowledge it had never been in the construction plans for Hogwarts. And yet here it was. Remus could not take the chance; there was no telling what would happen.  
  
It was also too dangerous to take the orb out of this room and study it at leisure. The orb would have to be filled with strange magic..it would be traceable.  
  
No. If he was going to try the calling, it had to be in the Room of Requirement. And it had to be now.  
  
This is too sudden, was his first thought. I can't possibly be ready. But that was a foolish reaction, and he rejected it. If he had even the slimmest possible chance of talking with Sirius, it was worth exploring. And putting it off wouldn't make the situation any better. The reverse was actually true.  
  
There was no reason he couldn't do it right now. The risks were  
negligible, considering what he had the opportunity to gain.  
  
I could talk to Sirius.if this succeeds, I will be able to talk to  
Sirius!  
  
That was it. The final nudge needed to assemble his courage. He was ready  
to try, even if it brought about his death.  
  
As Remus readied himself for the attempt, he felt something inside him  
stir. Something he thought that had long died out within himself, but had  
apparently come back to life. Knowing that it was there gave him even  
more courage and strength.  
  
For the first time in many months, he had hope. 


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing that Remus did was cast a magical barrier around the room. He wanted no interruptions during the energy transfer. This shield was not a standard one. Being one of his personal creations; it was designed not only to protect an area from spying and magical look-ins, it also suppressed the magical signature of the caster. It was a very complicated and even draining spell, but Remus had no choice. Contained inside the school were many locater objects, including his very own Marauder's Map. He could be tracked down. Some curious individual could discover his location and decide to see what he was up to. If he was distracted, it could spell disaster. He was taking no chances.  
  
He also placed a ward upon the door. Remus was less sure about the effectiveness of this spell; the room was always open to those that needed it. But it was worth an attempt, and perhaps it would discourage any unwelcome visitors.  
  
He moved one of the armchairs closer to the center of the room with a flick of his wand. This was going to drain him utterly. It he ended up collapsing, Remus wanted it to be in a soft chair, as opposed to the cold stone floor.  
  
Remus positioned the chair so that the orb would be within reach, and then sat down. He studied the orb; it really didn't look like an object of great power. It was much smaller than a crystal ball, easily held in the palm of one's hand. From far away, the orb had appeared to have a smoky color, as if it had been made with some form of impure rock. From closer observation, Remus discovered that this effect was caused by the tiny string-like tendrils interconnecting inside the sphere. It looked almost exactly like a large jumble of spider webs, except for the fact that each of the small lines was glowing faintly.  
  
And the lines were not fixed in place. They were moving slightly, changing direction and rejoining with other strands. It looked like a living, breathing creature.  
  
Remus had never seen anything like it before.  
  
He stared, fascinated, at the orb for a moment longer. Then he closed his eyes and began to focus his energy.  
  
He forced himself to relax, letting go of all anxiety and worrisome emotions. Control was essential here. It took a while, but he felt the tension slowly seep out of him. When he finally thought he was in a good enough mind-set to handle the transference, he placed his finger-tips upon the orb. The book hadn't mentioned this, but he thought it would help give him a better focus.  
  
This was it. There was no turning back.  
  
Remus took a deep breath, and invoked the orb.  
  
Sirius Black.  
  
He felt a jolt of energy grab at his fingers, rooting them to the orb. It prickled, and burned with its intensity, but Remus barely had time to notice. He was concentrating on Sirius as hard as possible, forcing his mind to think of nothing else.  
  
Sirius' face, conversations, childhood pranks, the animagi transformations.all of this flashed through his mind. Remus gasped with the pain of forcing his awareness through memories he had long tried to forget, but he didn't stop. He didn't dare.  
  
Still more. His first meeting with Sirius, their creation of the Marauder's map, his reunion in the shrieking shack, Sirius' body falling to the floor in the Ministry of Magic.  
  
Tears were rolling down Remus' cheeks. Still he focused as hard as possible, every fiber of his being used in concentration. He was latching on so hard that he began to feel light in the head.  
  
But no, it wasn't just his head that was beginning to hurt. He was losing sensation in his legs and arms as well. He felt tired, exhausted. Almost like.  
  
Like his energy was being drained from his body.  
  
It's working!  
  
Remus pushed that miniscule cry of happiness as quickly as possible. Focusing on anything else right now would mean failure and possibly death. He had to be intent on his memories of Sirius.  
  
And so he was. Even though it hurt, he allowed thoughts about nothing else.  
  
Sirius.Sirius.Sirius.  
  
The energy drain was more pronounced. If he hadn't been sitting down, he definitely would have fallen. Remus felt like the only thing that was holding him up was his physical attachment to the orb. Perhaps it was.  
  
Still he concentrated on Sirius. How he laughed, the savage look in his eye when he was angry, the gaunt, animal-like creature he had become while in Azkaban. Everything he loved about Sirius, and everything he disliked, Remus took it into himself, and used it as energy to feed the transfer.  
  
But the orb was still leeching his energy away. Remus had never felt so drained in his entire life. The process was consuming him alive, stealing reserves that Remus didn't even know he had.  
  
And it didn't stop. If Remus had had any energy to spare, he would have panicked. He was going on empty, and still the orb wanted more.  
  
But he had no energy to spare. He was still intent on Sirius. He couldn't think about anything other that Sirius. Remus didn't even remember who he was anymore. He was focusing on the only thing that mattered, and that was Sirius.  
  
More and more and more.  
  
Still the orb was consuming his energy. Remus (or what remained of Remus) began to lose consciousness. For the briefest second, Remus' concentration faltered. He was losing. He was going to die, and he would never see Sirius again.  
  
No!  
  
The ferocity of that thought gave him access to the little bit of strength that he had left. With an inhuman effort, Remus thought about Sirius again, and his need for him. The transfer resumed. He was giving the last dregs of his life energy to the orb, but he didn't care. If he had to die.at least it was in the attempt of finding his beloved.  
  
The draining slowed, and then stopped.  
  
His fingertips slid off the orb. Now that he was no longer being held in place, he really did collapse. He leaned feebly against the arm of his chair, feeling weaker than he ever had in his entire life. He didn't even have the energy to tremble from exhaustion. But he had to know, had to see. With a superhuman effort, Remus opened his eyes.  
  
The orb was glowing.  
  
He was too tired to know if this was correct reaction from the orb. At least he had gotten a response.  
  
Remus assumed that the orb was using his life-energy to search the spirit plane for Sirius. There was nothing he could do but wait. He closed his eyes and rested. Or perhaps he lost consciousness; it was difficult to tell.  
  
He didn't know how much time had passed before he was roused. Something, a light noise in the background, attracted his attention. He stirred, and opened his eyes.  
  
Snape was standing in the doorway.  
  
For a second, it didn't register. And then, it did.  
  
Snape was standing in the doorway.  
  
He was taking in the situation: Remus, looking drained, leaning weakly against a chair. The carpet with runes. The glowing orb in the center of the room.  
  
And there was a strange light reflected in his eyes that made Remus go cold with dread. Remus tried to speak. He opened his mouth and formed words, but nothing came out. Commanding his tired body to work for a little longer, he tried again.  
  
"What.what are you doing here, Severus?"  
  
Snape smiled a smile utterly devoid of warmth. There was something here.and he knew it.  
  
"Such a curiosity, Remus. I was working in my office, and I discovered that a certain room on the seventh floor, this room actually, mysteriously disappeared off magical radar. Quite puzzling, you must imagine. There was a seal on the door, can you imagine? And when I broke it down, the door opened..and I found you."  
  
With his nostrils flaring, Snape gave the distinct impression of a mad bull, readying itself for a fatal charge.  
  
"Perhaps you would care to explain.all of this, Remus?"  
  
Remus was too tired to rack his brains for a good excuse. He had prepared for the possibility of intrusion, but for that person to be Snape....This was beyond abysmal.  
  
He would look for the slightest excuse to tarnish Remus' already dingy name.  
  
"Severus, please. I will try to explain. You see -"  
  
But Snape wasn't listening to Remus. His eyes were focused on something else. Remus followed his gaze, and discovered that he was looking at the orb.  
  
And with good reason. The orb was losing its glow, but silver mists where exiting the sphere. It kept transferring, until the orb was the original color of dull white. Hovering around the orb of Amina, the cloud began to shape itself into a strange form. At first, Remus thought it would become a person, but it soon folded over and became more compact.  
  
Almost like..a very large dog.  
  
Remus felt like crying with relief. It had worked! It really had. He could talk to Sirius now, and he wouldn't be so alone.  
  
Snape however, obviously perceived the unfolding events differently. He was breathing shallowly, and his eyes were beady with suspicion. He looked wary, and furious, with perhaps a touch of fear as well.  
  
"What have you been doing, Remus? This room is full of dark magic. Do you think I am a fool, and wouldn't notice?"  
  
Remus shook his head, and quickly wished he hadn't. He was so weak. "Not black magic, Severus.. Calm down for a minute and list-"  
  
"I told Dumbledore you were not to be trusted.I have always known. But he had faith." Snape spat the word. "That you, the tame werewolf, were on our side. But now- I have proof! You will be exiled, and everyone will know that I was right!"  
  
Snape pulled out his wand and pointed it directly at the orb.  
  
"But first, I will put an end to your treacherous magic."  
  
Remus felt sheer panic. Snape couldn't destroy the orb! He had given up so much of himself in order to power the sphere.to have it taken from his grasp, when he was so close! He couldn't allow it.  
  
"You can't do that, Severus."  
  
His fear gave him the strength to rise out of the chair and start towards Snape. Clearly taking this action as a threat, Snape readied his wand. His eyes were wild, and he looked dangerous.  
  
"I can.and I will."  
  
"No!" cried Remus. But it was too late.  
  
Snape was already uttering a spell. A blue light shot out of his wand and struck the sphere directly in the center. The orb absorbed the energy, turning a pale shade of blue in the process. And then.the light strengthened. It began to grow brighter and brighter, until it was almost painful to look at.  
  
Snape was clearly taken aback.  
  
"What is this, Remus?!"  
  
But Remus didn't know. He couldn't take his eyes off the orb. Whatever was happening though, it wasn't supposed to.  
  
The light began to move beyond the boundaries of the orb. It reminded Remus of the auras he had glimpsed during his magical studies.except this one was far more powerful.  
  
The light stopped moving. It gave off the appearance of pure, crystallized energy. For that one moment, it hung there, radiating enough power to eclipse a small moon.  
  
And then, the crystal shattered.  
  
It was as if a rubber band that had been holding the orb in place had been released. The concentrated light had diverged into smaller beams, and was hurtling everywhere, rebounding off the walls. It was incredible.  
  
Four beams of light converged into a larger one and headed directly towards Remus. He stood, rooted to the spot where he was standing. He couldn't move. The light went directly into him; Remus couldn't tell if it had been absorbed by his body, or if it had simply passed through.  
  
Remus watched as Snape set up shield charm in defense against the ricocheting beams. It did absolutely no good; the light moved as though it wasn't there. The light was converging on Snape now, there was no doubt about it. More and more beams were focusing on him, merging into a shining lattice.  
  
And then, something inside Remus snapped. The last of his energy was gone. He fell on the floor, his head turned to the doorway.  
  
The last thing Remus saw was the look of horror upon Snape's face as the multitude of energy beams surrounded him, drawing tightly together like a noose.  
  
And then, the darkness rushed up. Remus knew nothing more. 


End file.
